


Elemental

by Maverick



Category: Oz - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-26
Updated: 2010-05-26
Packaged: 2017-10-09 17:57:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maverick/pseuds/Maverick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My partner in crime CatHeights asked for someone to take her <i>Not as I Used to Be</i> boys out for a spin. How could I resisted a challenge like that. This is me, writing in her glorious universe. While I touch on some themes here that may show up in her story at some point, these are all my own musings and should not be taken as spoilers.</p></blockquote>





	Elemental

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Not As I Used to Be](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/971) by CatHeights. 



He'd been back for three days. Three long days of polite conversation followed by three longer nights of soundless frantic fucking. It was almost like being back in Oz. The lights would go out and they'd reach for each other without a word. The actions were automatic and intense, but something was missing. Something vital.

He knew it was his fault. But he wasn't sure how to fix it. When he left…when he walked away, he had every intention of never coming back. He was going to do what was best for Toby…for Holly. But he just couldn't do it. He thought he remembered what Hell felt like but he was wrong. Hell was knowing that Toby was out there, that Toby loved him and he'd thrown it away. He'd been paralyzed by the loss. He ached with it. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat. He contemplated doing something drastic to get himself thrown back into jail, but he knew that Toby would blame himself for that and he couldn't do that to him. Not now. And not even back then.

It took leaving to nail the point home—he couldn't live without Toby. That might make him a selfish bastard, but it was the truth.  
So he'd come back and Toby had welcomed him with open arms. And from the stubbled cheeks and hollow eyes, it was plain to see that maybe, just maybe, Beecher couldn't live without him either. Seeing Toby in that doorway, he knew for sure that he'd never be able to walk away again.

Ever.

At first he had understood Toby's reluctance to talk about it. In fact he embraced it. He just let himself be pulled inside Toby's house, pushed back onto Toby's bed. He'd been gone less than a week, but it felt like so much longer. He was desperate to touch Toby, to have Toby touch him. He burned with it. It might have only been a few days, but the ache from the lack of contact was worse than all those months he'd spent locked up alone in Cedar Junction. So he let himself get lost in the sight of Toby stripping him naked, need swirling in his eyes, lost in the feel of Toby's fingers, hard and rough against his body, the taste of Toby's skin against his tongue. He knew that the anger, the hurt, would come later, and he knew he deserved it. But for the moment what he needed most of all was the physical affirmation that he was back where he belonged. And Toby obliged. Boy how he obliged.

But now it was three days later and the blow-up never came. And he knew it was eating Toby up inside, but Beecher hadn't been so much as sarcastic since he'd been back. In his head, Chris understood, it was like Toby was worried that if he said the wrong thing, Chris would bolt and never come back. Which was ironic because Chris knew now he'd never be able to leave. But obviously, Toby didn't understand that yet. And he wouldn't until Chris got him to talk about it, to admit that he was hurt and angry that Chris had walked out on him. It wasn't until after another nearly silent dinner that Chris finally couldn't take it anymore. "How long Beecher?"

Putting their plates and glasses into the dishwasher, Toby looked up startled. "How long what?" he asked.  
Chris could hear the false calm in his voice. Toby was using his "lawyer" voice and that just pissed him off. He stood up suddenly and walked to where Toby was standing beside the sink. "How long are you gonna keep it inside? How long till you go stark raving mad from it?"

Toby reached out and massaged the nape of Chris's neck. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The feel of Toby's strong fingers, warm and sure, against his neck made Chris close his eyes. But then he realized that's just what Toby wanted. Toby knew that all it took to relax Chris was a calming touch of his hands. But he didn't want to be calm. And he sure as fuck didn't want Toby to be calm either. He had reached out and batted Toby's hand away before he even realized what he had done. "Yes, you do."

Toby looked stricken, fear muting his eyes. "I don't want to fight with you Chris."

Chris reached down and slammed the dishwasher's door shut. "Yes you do. You're fucking vibrating with it."

Toby shook his head in protest. "Well I'm not going to, so drop it. Let's just go to bed."

Go to bed. Chris knew what Toby was really saying. That was the one arena where they had no trouble communicating. Except that wasn't necessarily the case anymore. Sure making love with Toby was always good, would always be more than Chris could have imagined, but something was missing even there. It really was like being back in Oz, both of them quiet. Much too quiet.

Sure the need and the want were still there but something was missing in the silence. And Chris wanted that something back. He wanted the Toby who moaned and gasped too loudly. He wanted the Toby who begged him to fuck him harder and who screamed Chris's name as he came. And he wanted the Toby that would tease and torture him with pleasure. But most of all he *needed* the Toby who would call him on his bullshit, who was sarcastic and bitchy, and who would make him realize just how stupid he had been. He needed *his* Toby back . And he was going to do whatever it took to get him. "No."

"No?" Toby asked stunned.

Chris stepped to the side until he was standing directly in front of Toby. He put his hands on the counter, blocking Toby in. "Yeah, I said *no* Beecher. You're pissed off at me, so fucking tell me about it."

Toby met Chris's eyes with his own and pleaded. A shallow gasp of breath preceded his words. "Chris…I can't. Please."

"Toby," Chris said, pressing his body firmly against his lover to hold him in place. He let go of the counter and ran his finger's through Toby's hair, making the other man look at him. "You've got to or we don't have a chance in hell." Chris saw the moment the anger finally broke free. It was written all over Toby's face.

Pushing Chris away, Toby folded his arms across his chest. "And whose fault it that?"

Chris stepped forward until he was in Toby's space again. "It's mine. Tell me why."

The hurt and the anger finally boiled over making Toby push into Chris, shoving him up against the kitchen wall. He clutched at Chris's shirt, pulling him forward and pushing him back against the wall as he screamed. "You left. You fucking left me Chris. After everything we've been through. You fucking packed your bags and walked away."

Chris went slack in Toby's arms, letting his lover release all the anger he had kept bottled up inside. When Beecher finally stopped moving, Chris let his forehead rest against Toby's. "I know. I was wrong. And I'm sorry."

"Why Chris. Why?" Toby asked, his voice raw.

"Because I was stupid, because I thought it was the right thing to do."

Toby slammed him against the wall once more. "How the fuck is leaving someone you love, someone who loves you, the right thing to do?"

Chris lowered his head ashamed, but the he raised it to meet Toby's eyes as he answered. "It's not. And in the end, I couldn't do. I know it's selfish," he looked down once more, "but I couldn't stay away Toby. I couldn't."

Toby cupped Chris's head in his hands and leaned forward and kissed him. It was rough and tender at the same time. Pulling his mouth away, Toby looked him straight in the eyes. "Don't you ever fucking do that again. Ever. You got me."

Chris couldn't help but smile at the fierceness of Toby's words. "I won't Toby. You have my word." He sought out Toby's mouth for another kiss.

Pulling Chris into a tight hug, Toby nuzzled his neck. "Why'd you come back?"

Chris knew the question was coming. He understood how Toby's mind worked, probably better than he understood his own. He threaded his fingers behind Toby's neck and looked his lover directly in the eyes. He had to swallow hard before he could get the words out. "Because…because I can't live without you Toby."

Toby leaned forward and brushed his lips against Chris's. "About fucking time you realized that," he said against Chris's opened mouth. "Don't you forget it."

"I won't," Chris mumbled as Toby's tongue slid into his mouth, and Chris knew, finally and complete knew… that he was home.

—FIN—

**Author's Note:**

> My partner in crime CatHeights asked for someone to take her _Not as I Used to Be_ boys out for a spin. How could I resisted a challenge like that. This is me, writing in her glorious universe. While I touch on some themes here that may show up in her story at some point, these are all my own musings and should not be taken as spoilers.


End file.
